OH MY FUCKING LORD - Titanic is coming out in the cinema again in 3 fucking D.......which is basically to say that if it wasn't depressing enough to know that swathes of total fucking mugs sat and watched a film they already knew the ending of which is actual just an exhibition of the stunningly market researched formula of a brit and yank falling in love to ensure good sales on both sides of the atlantic, well now those of us with at least half a microwaved slice of tofu for a working brain can get doubly depressed watching all these apparently sentient human beings move in slow fat herds to go watch it all over again for the let's face it frankly rubbish enhancement that 3D bring to the our cinematic experience.....which brings me onto a solution which might please everyone on both sides of this Titanic divide...ie about 10 people vs everyone else.... which is to round up some of these domesticated ruminant mammals that are posing as members of the human race i believed in as a child, and give them the full thrilling experience by sticking them on a massive fuckoff boat manned by Costa Cruises and set it full steam ahead towards the Antarctic where even if it manages to miss every fucking iceberg on the way we can be assured of it still hitting a massive Ice continent sooner or later, and our customers can know exactly how it felt to be on that ship staring at their murky death, and realise that there wasn't an elegantly scripted final conversation or heartrendering string quartet moment but probably just a strange embarrassing smell in the air as you look over at your shrieking new British girlfriend, realise you are still in love with your ex, and bolt for the lifeboats with the uncomfortable feeling of excrement in your brand new athletically supportive underwear, which on the upside you probably won't have to go and cunningly dispose of in the nearest public toilet and its warmth might even keep you alive an extra 6.7 seconds...which is just about long enough to tweet about it...
what a load of fucking bollocks
oh and Fuck off Di Caprio
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Not a fan eh, Nima? : )
ReplyDeleteHate to say this, but the bit about the string quartet playing on the deck until the ship went down, actually did happen! Eyewitness accounts from the night.
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